I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
