There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
