i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
