When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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