Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize