Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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