That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
the day after is always just damage control
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
