dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
