Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
