rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
