Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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