I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.