This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.