Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.