No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.