I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
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She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
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He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.