she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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