he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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