it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
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He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
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What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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