I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
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Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
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I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog