where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She has the best kind of daddy issues
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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