i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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