its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
