Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Let's get the cat blown out
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
how does that bad decision feel?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
