I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
