Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
