Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
