Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
