I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
