i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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