butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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