Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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