is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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