I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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