I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
