I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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