I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
