Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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