I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
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Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
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I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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