So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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