fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
