I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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