I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
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I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
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I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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