My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
