i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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