And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
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I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
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You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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