I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
