I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Panties = found
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
