found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
