Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
