I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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