I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
