is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
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