I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
