What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Enjoy the penises
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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