Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
