I think i peed on brittanys purse
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
