Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just found puke in my bra..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
