The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
