Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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