I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize