you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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