My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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