Sponge bath it is.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Randomize
