Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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