WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
