you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Someone signed my nipple.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
