yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
