Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize