It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize