If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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