I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
