So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
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I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
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Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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