I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
