You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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