Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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