At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i barfeds in our rink
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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