I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
