hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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