I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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