i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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