garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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