i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
