This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
