Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
