i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
