it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
the raccoons are back...
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