why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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