Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She needs sedatives and a leash
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
